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How to Stop Blaming in your Relationship

Brene Brown begins her video by asking, “How many of you when something goes wrong, you want to know who’s fault it is?” 

One day, Brene was in the kitchen and dropped a full cup of hot coffee on the tile floor. It splashed all over her white pants and went everywhere. The first thing that came out of her mouth was, “DAMN YOU STEVE!” (Her husband) 

How many of you go to that place?

Brene says, “I’d rather it be his fault, than no ones fault. Why? Because it gives us some control.”

Here’s what we know from the research: Blame is simply discharging discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability 

By definition, accountability is a vulnerable process. Rather than blaming, try having a vulnerable conversation about why it hurt your feelings. People who blame a lot, seldom have the tenacity and grit to actually hold people accountable. Because we spend all of our energy raging for 15 seconds and figuring out who’s fault it is. 

Blaming is very corrosive in relationships, and it’s often one of the reasons that we miss our opportunities for empathy. 

Watch the video here! 

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